Now it gets real
All of this shit is possibly NSFW because I have some bad thoughts. This page will be one article but journal orientated. The NSFW will not be hidden on this page, I will write down whatever comes to mind.
All of this shit is possibly NSFW because I have some bad thoughts. This page will be one article but journal orientated. The NSFW will not be hidden on this page, I will write down whatever comes to mind.
When I'm feeling really sad and like I want to sleep but can't, like now, I like to listen to hopeful and freedom like music. Like you've just escaped a cage... even though I'm stuck here with my god forsaken parents. Then once I find that music, which would be usually Goreshit, I hopefully, peacefully, goon. To Bär, most importantly. I like to take on the submissive pathetic role, being simply a stupid puppy girl you can manhandle and make me do whatever the dominant role wants. I wish that thought would come true... I wish all my deparaved thoughts would come true. But they can't. They aren't exactly unrealistic... yes the puppy girl part more unrealistic, but I can't have my thoughts come true now. I don't know what action I would have to take to make those dreams come true. I am already pathetic and useable, so why would anybody use me for their sadistic pleasure? Because I stay inside and hide away from everyone... I stink and I'm not pretty, at least my body isn't. I'll stick to AO3.
Sometimes I wish I could get my innocence back. I look at myself and realize how depraved, dirty, hopeless, and disgusting I am. What am I? What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Because I discovered that depravity at a young age; too young. At around 8 or 10, I can't remember exactly, but I felt like I didn't have enough time to be carefree and innocent. I now worry about what I will do next, what's coming for me. I'm miserable and disgusting. That's all I will ever be. Never innocent again.